Here’s an update.. my eye surgery went well, as did the checkup. The doctor said all is well, and my next checkup will be in 3 months. That means, I no longer have to wear the goggles to sleep and I can now go back to exercising and get back into my routine.. YEAH!!!! I cannot tell you just HOW much I have missed exercising… strange huh? When you get stuck in a routine that you have learned to enjoy, you just do not want to stop doing it. Plus, I have SOOOO much more energy when I have been exercising.

Now onto other things. I simply cannot wait until Thanksgiving this year. One reason is that I have my last vacation of this year starting the following week LOL. I NEED a vacation, very badly. Another reason, is that the guy I am dating and I are planning on spending a few days together. It will be nice to get away from here at least for the week. Sometimes, you just need a break from all you know and see on a daily basis.

Plus, this year will be different than last year hopefully. Last year, I was with a jerk that left for his native country for a couple of months right after Thangsgiving. When he came back.. he was all different, and it seemed he did his best to break my heart. This year, someone, a nice guy, asked for me to spend time with him instead. Since I cannot be with him on Thanksgiving, I will be with my family, and then afterwards, will see him in a few days. I am honestly happier now than I have been in a very long time. I have a sweet guy that absolutely adores me for me. Not for what I look like, not for what job I have, but for me.. on the inside, although he still says I am gorgeous on the outside too.. I’ll never get that, but whatever makes him happy LOL. I hope everyone else has a good Thanksgiving with safe traveling…

I needed to vent.. just slightly. Here goes.. I NEED A VACATION NOW!!!!! LOL. I am simply worn out! The last few weeks have been rough at work. The weather is messing with people’s immune systems/sinuses. Plus, I am still working some overtime when I can get it. Today, they scheduled just me and the pharmacist to do the work of 3 or 4 people. Tomorrow.. I work with a new technician after 5pm to close.. on a Monday for Pete’s SAKE! If they aren’t trying to kill me, they must think I am superwoman or something. I am not.. just super worn out LOL. Yes, I can type fast and get things moving through, but my whole body hurts at this point LOL. Enough about work.. was just a short little vent.

My eye surgery went well as far as I can tell. Eyesight is back to 20/20, maybe better than that now in my right eye, but like I said above, I am worn out. That, plus these stupid migraine headaches I have been getting. Thank you Lord for Excedrin Migraine!!! (and its generic knock-offs)  And onto better things such as the gas prices going down *knock on wood*. I might be able to afford to get some bills paid down. Plus, I have seriously got to get my GRE taken for grad school so I can move on with my life.. and do something that will make me happy! That being said, it isn’t that I don’t like my job.. it just isn’t my calling in life is all.

I am also thinking of taking on a second (seasonal) job during the Christmas holidays to help pay off some bills as well. I know, I don’t have enough time as it is, but I want to get ahead when and where I can. Things have just been sooo tight money-wise. But hey, I found an excellent deal today. At my apartment complex, we have a trash compactor instead of a bunch of dumpsters. Well, when people move out, and don’t want to take stuff with them that others could use.. they sit it along the wall of the compactor area. I was driving by and saw a very nice microwave cart for my tiny kitchen today.. that is the first time I have ever done anything like that too. I brought it in, Greenworks’d it well, and vwallaaah.. I have a new place to store some necessary kitchen stuff..instead of using up my much needed counter space. My apartment doesn’t have a pantry, although, on the floor plans it says that it does for each one. Instead, we each all have our own hot water heaters in the pantry.. meaning.. no place to store stuff. I have been wanting and needed a microwave cart for sometime now.. I just did not have the funds for it. All it needed was a little good scrubing, and it is nearly good as new. Fantastic!

I was sitting here listening to “Crazy” by Aerosmith, and thinking, hmm.. maybe I should update on the dating issue in my life. Back during summer, I started chatting with a guy online.. or rather, he started chatting with me. I was not looking for anyone because I was seriously down after getting my heart broken to pieces earlier in the year. As my friend NK would call it, I was mostly in “man-batical” mode. We were supposed to meet and go on a date, but Hurricane Ike, plus extenuating circumstances, put a hold on that for a bit. So far, things are going well, although we have yet to meet face-to-face, but hopefully, that will be remedied soon.

No, we did not meet on a dating website, but rather on facebook. I simply could not bring myself to PAY someone to find me a date, although my co-workers and friends were pushing me to do so to simply get me away and over CS. That being said, I did at least look into them, but I did not fit very many guy’s criteria, especially in the ethnicity department. It would seem that most American men are not interested in dating women of Native American ancestry for some strange reason. So, my best friend suggested just playing around with an application on facebook.. one that didn’t cost a dime, and was simply for fun. In the flirting/dating application that facebook has on it, you bascially click on the buttons ”yes” or “wink!” if you would ever consider dating the person, or “no” if you would not. The person nevers knows if they have been clicked on for any of the options unless both people mutually clicked “yes” on each other’s picture. In fact, I almost did not talk to this guy at all LOL, and he was the one who messaged me first. I seriously tried to ignore the poor guy at first, but he persisted in wanting to simply chat with me. He did not ask for anything more, he wasn’t a perv nor a horn-dog, he did not ask me very personal questions, he did not criticize me, nor did he try to tell me what to do.

What did we talk about then you may ask? Well, computers mostly, since that was his current job field, or least part-time job field. We would talk about the different applications out there, etc. for them. In fact, his profile picture at the time was a bit obscure and I had almost clicked “no” on him because I was basing my judgement on visuals alone, which is not really in my nature to do. One day, he sent me a friend request, and everytime he was online at the sametime I was, he would chat me down until I’d have to go or vice versa. For a shy person like me, the whole email/instant messenger thing is a blessing in disguise. I have learned more about him through online discussions than I think I would have if we’d first met in person simply because for some reason, online, I am not as afraid to give voice to my questions that I would like answers to. I have discovered something though… This guy makes me seriously happy. He makes me smile and laugh.. constantly. And if he can’t be online or something, he’ll leave me little messages or draw on his profile picture little aliens, spaceships, ladybugs, etc.. just so I will cheer up and laugh. He gives me something I didn’t know I needed before, something I had never receieved to know that I needed.. respect. 

Every relationship I have ever had has ended in friendship or disaster.. take your pick. Most of the time, the guy ends up fessing up that he wants to date a friend of mine instead.. LOSER! … or, we started as friends, tried dating, and simply returned to just being friends because of mutually not feeling the spark for the other in the romantic field. My mom worries about me dating anyone.. telling me how naive and stupid I am when it comes to guys.. perhaps she is right, but it is my mistake to make, not hers, and so far, I have made plenty in the past. I seem to have a LOT in common with this guy.. and it isn’t me just telling him things, and him saying he likes the samething too.

So far, this is a guy that I do not want to lose… he seems like a good guy, and they are so hard to find it would seem. Most of them are simply taken already LOL. My mom even asked me since this guy is great looking, why he wasn’t married already, or if he was actually divorced. I explained to her that no, he’s never been married, but that we have discussed reasons things did not work out for us in past relationships. His being that he was with a girl that decided she did not want a committment.. that she wanted to instead play the field. Sound familiar? Some of the same kind of thing I went through with the last jerk. Plus, this guy is very open and tells me anything and everything I want to know, or stuff I wouldn’t think to ask. He doesn’t try to hide from me when his ex emails him, begging him back because she has changed her mind.. he instead, chooses to discuss it with me, including the response that he has moved on and found someone better, someone that makes him truly happy.. me.

Trust, honesty and respect for one another are very important to me. Now that I have experienced them, I don’t want to turn back to my previous ignorance. I pray things continue to go well, and we are planning on meeting Thanksgiving weekend *fingers crossed*, since he lives a few hours away, in a neighboring city I guess you could call it LOL. Wish me the best of luck!

So, recently, through discussion on NK’s blogsite, we were discussing what we look for in a potential date/mate/etc. So instead of cluttering up her blog, I thought I would just write a blog post about it….

As for the dating scene, I would have to say I am totally inexperienced about it, along with being somewhat naive. My parents did not allow me to date until I was 16. They had to know where I was, what I was doing, and who I was hanging out with. That is not to say that they knew my whereabouts every moment in time…but they had a general idea.. at least they thought they did. We used to go over friends houses and play video games a lot, listen to music, etc. My mom would have freaked out to know that I was in a BOY’S bedroom, unsupervised. But the thing is, she should and could trust me. We were not doing anything more innocent than the above mentioned. We were just hanging out.

As time has progressed, I look back on high school and realize just how sheltered I really was. It was a blessing and a curse. I had a really horrible best friend that if I liked someone, she would go after him until they were hers. Then she’d tell me why I never wanted to date them because of the guy’s real opinions about me. I defended her until she broke me… I just let the rest of my small high school bash her..and I won’t say she didn’t deserve it, but that didn’t mean I took part in it. She’d hurt me too bad. She ruined me having a prom date my junior year..she was just never satisfied. I am too nice I suppose. My guy classmates never thought of me as dateable material, but instead as their little sister. I have heard so many times, “oh don’t worry, she’s just one of the guys..”

I act tough emotionally because instead I am as fragile as a flower inside. I am scared to let someone past my shell. I have absolutely zero confidence in my relationships. Everytime I get close to a guy or admit I like him, to him.. I get, “I just don’t think of you like that…I like you, but just as a friend. It’s like you’re my sister or something, you know… you’re just one of the guys…” I try to never let others see my disappointment or hurt… I just want my friends to be happy. But I guess, I am too nice. My weight has also never helped with the matter, I hate having hormone problems that have caused me such misery, but I could have a worse plight I suppose. In fact, one of the most hurtful things I have heard recently is, “do you have any friends that you think would date me?” Inside I am screaming, “what about me?” and then I go on and say..”sure, I’ll see what I can do…”

I am very skittish about getting close to anyone..once you’ve been burned by someone you consider close enough to be a sister, and have been backstabbed as much as I was.. you just don’t know who to trust anymore. I have an elite few people I consider my closest friends, but I never tell them the whole story for fear of letting them past that innermost shell. In fact, someone that I was getting to be good friends with about 1 & 1/2 years ago, let her real opinion show when she was drunk. She made the mistake of commenting that she was smart, she only hung out with people uglier and fatter than she was so that we made her look good. Needless to say, I’ve had more than my fair share of mean friends that just use me.

So what am I looking for in a guy someone asked… well here’s the list..

1) Honesty

2) Truthfulness

3) Not using me just for me to “hook you up” with my friends

4) Intelligence.. I want to be able to have conversations, but not have to explain every single thing with a definition.. I do have patience, but it is not infinite..

5) A non-smoker because I have asthma

6) Someone caring, but not controlling, and who can get along with a cat

7) Not a jealous person, but one who just wants me to be genuinely be happy

8.) Someone who likes to laugh/smile

9) Kind eyes

10) Sense of humor

I consider my list to be fairly simple, and I don’t think I am asking for too much..but then again..maybe I AM too picky. Do I have a feeling that I will see positive results..no not really, I am realistic, but a forever optimist as well. I can always dream….